I have a lot of shame about my messiness. It’s constant and never-ending, fueled by two small boys that make messes ten times faster than they can clean them up, and my own disorganized, ADD-addled brain. This ugly, evil shame monster has been a lifelong “failing” of mine.
Cleaning my room as a kid meant stuffing the mess in my closet and under the bed. In college, a housemate told me I was impossible to live with because of it. It’s the source of the majority of my marital strife. But worst of all, it’s the one place I can’t seem to see past when it comes to my own self-worth. It’s just too easy to call myself a lazy slob when every time I lift my phone to do a story or try to record a reel, every single part of my house seems like proof of my failure as a mother and wife.
But there’s order to my mess in ways that only I seem to be able to see. And it develops quickly because of the joy-filled, explosively creative life my family leads. It’s proof not of my failing, but my success – at leading the life I always wanted, one full of love and joy and tears and comfort and art and fun. A life where I can be myself completely, love myself fully. Just as I am.
But it took years to get to this point (and if I’m honest, I’m still not fully there). I tried for a while to make my photography work minimalist, thinking that’s the only way my work would be considered “high-end” or “luxury”, worthy of the investment that my art requires in order to be sustainable.
But it never quite worked because I’m a 100% all-in card-carrying MAXIMALIST and I honestly love that about myself. I love that I have over a dozen hobbies. I love that I’m constantly coming up with new ideas. I love that I’m all about color and pattern mixing and texture. And I love that my friends and family all have their own versions of what makes them light up the way maximalism does for me.
So whenever I walk into a client’s beautifully lived-in home, whether everything is in its place, or there are piles on every surface and toys all over the floor, I know our session will be such a beautifully honest reflection of them.
I hope you’ll let me show you how beautiful your life is, even if it feels impossibly messy and chaotic from the inside. Because when the mess isn’t our own, that’s when the magic shining through it all becomes visible. That’s when the true beauty appears, the beauty you can only truly find within the chaos of an honest life.
Photos of me and my family courtesy of Rachel Larsen Weaver of Brakish Photography, https://www.brackishphotography.com/
