Don’t let fear drive the bus

Can I tell you something? I’ve basically lived my entire life in fear…of the most ridiculous things. I’ve been scared of people thinking I’m arrogant, of people thinking I’m mediocre. Scared of doing something I care about badly. Scared of failing. Scratch that – terrified of failing.

I’ve even been scared of having my dreams come true.

Fear is a funny thing. It’s obvious why we evolved the emotion. Without fear, we’d see a lion and think, “Aww, cute kitty cat!” right before becoming lunch. And I think that kind of fear is healthy and has its place.

But here’s where fear stops working for us and starts making life miserable. Because if I’m scared of what other people think of me, I’ll never be able to discover who I actually am, and neither will anyone else. If I’m scared of doing something badly, I’ll never practice enough to be able to do it well.

If I’m worried someone I respect thinks I’m just copying them because my ideas are aligned with theirs, I lose out on being true to myself.

I grew up as one of the first millennials. Born in 1980, some would say I wasn’t technically one at all. But I still got the same message as most of my generation: You are special. You are unique. You will grow up to do extraordinary things.

No pressure, right?

I don’t fault my parents and teachers for believing in me. Their words made me feel loved and valued, something we all need. But they also laid the groundwork for my own impossibly high expectations of myself. Standards I failed to meet again and again, leaving me scared to try anything until I knew I could do it “right”.

The scariest thing of all, is I see myself falling into the same patterns, and feel helpless as my seven-year-old refuses to do anything that might result in failure. Like mother like son, I guess…

To hell with that.

So here goes. My promise to you. I’m going to fail. My house will always be cluttered in some way (every way?). My kids will make poop jokes at dinner no matter how many times I tell them not to. I’ll make jokes no one laughs at. I’ll try new photography techniques that won’t work at all. I’ll type out my musings here that might be boring. I’ll forget to post on Instagram for months at a time.

I’ll let myself try and fail a little every day. Because being willing to fall flat on my face is an essential part of my beautifully imperfect life.

Come to think of it, I’ll probably fail at being willing to fail, too. And that’s OK.

So how ’bout you? What opportunities have you been too scared to explore? Have you found ways to overcome it? I wanna know your take.